Have you ever fell down, so hard that you thought you would not be able to stand up anymore? Have you ever felt that everything in your life was so meaningless and that everything was wrong, that you ended up questioning yourself: “is there something wrong with me?” and your inner thought whispered: “Yes, there is”. It even went so far as to say: “You are a failure as human being. Your life is not worth living.” Experiencing failure was really a hard time, right? It felt as if you would not be able to see the sun anymore. How about now? Do you still have that kind of thoughts in your mind? I hope you do not, and never will, ever again.
I believe that every human being in this world have ever tasted the bitterness of failure. Our brain is used to have the kind of thought that failure, is indeed, a flaw: something embarrassing, worth hiding and forgetting. Meanwhile, in fact, how you do the failure is not what matters. What actually matters is how you deal with your failure. Dealing with failure is not as easy as saying “I’m fine. I failed today, but I believe that I will succeed someday.” That kind of positivity is a good thing, for sure. But it is meaningless if your heart doesn’t even believe the words that come out of your own mouth.
So how is the best way to deal with your failure? I’d like to propose some answers:
- You must learn to F.L.Y (First, Love Yourself).
From the moment your mom gave birth to you, you have been given such an unconditional love. Your mother (as a medium from God the Almighty) has given you a life to live, has taken care of you until you are strong enough, both physically and mentally, to live on your own. Your mother teaches you that you are loved, that you can be loved, and that you can love your mother and other people as well.
Meanwhile, how about yourself? Do you love yourself? Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we love other people. We love other (special) people deeply, so deep that it makes you forget that you are special too. Self-love is very important in dealing with your failure. You need to be familiar with both of your strength and weakness, with what you have and what you lack, in order to love yourself, unconditionally. When you have accepted both of your plus and minus points, you will come into terms that failure is a part of your lack, and it is normal, it is human. Self-acceptance, self-awareness, and finally, self-love, are very crucial in accepting your own failure.
- Accept your failure as a part of yourself and forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.
Related to the first point above, you have to be in a good terms with your failure, with your flaws. Accept that your are a very embodiment of imperfection, accept that your failure and flaws are what make you human. The most important thing is that, you have to be aware that you made mistakes and you need to—or even, you have to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you’ve ever done in the past. It’s very important for you to move on from your own mistakes. Moving on here doesn’t mean that you completely forget about the mistakes you made, or worse—run away from it. Moving on means you are fully aware with what you have done, come in terms with it, accept it, learn form it, and focus on what’s going to come and happen next.
- Don’t dwell in the past, don’t waste your present and future.
Drowning yourself in the past is a very worst option that you can ever take. It’s not really worth your time, both in present and future. Spending the time thinking about your past mistakes and failures only reduces your chances to have a better present and future. You need to look back in the past, but not to live on it. As you are fully aware that you can’t even turn back the time nor change the past in order to remove your mistakes and failures, it is clear that one perfect way to repair what have you done is by doing something better in the present and future. Remember, life is like a road. There are bumps, there are cracks, there are road blocks. But the most important thing is that it keeps going. You have to keep going with your life. Better days are coming in present and future, for sure.
- Change your perspective: “Failure is a bruise. Not A tattoo.”
Many people think that failure is an embarrassing thing. It’s something that you would like to hide from the world, it is something that you want to forget.You have to remember, that failure is not a tattoo, a permanent one on top of that. One that you’ll never be able to get rid of. One that traumatizes your whole life. It is not. It is only a bruise and it can be healed. And guess what, the one who is responsible to heal that bruise is yourself. Really, just how many years or even—decades, that you need to live so that you will understand that there’s no one more responsible to pick yourself back up other than yourself?