Usually when you find out your expecting a child, you get mixed emotions: Happy, excited, nervous, scared, worried, etc.
For most women, once the initial shock wears off and the reality sets in that your life is about to change. You start to try and prepare as much as you can for your new family addition or in most cases ‘additions’ arrival.
Most women choose to not follow through with pregnancy by having an abortion due to choice, not being ready and also medical reasons, where they can have a curette or give their baby up for adoption. Some women unfortunately miscarry at any give time in their pregnancy. Some women also suffer the loss of stillborn babies. Some women also suffer the loss of babies who pass by SIDS or some medical conditions. Amoungst other reasons as to not carrying a child full term and a lot of women are unable to have children of their own, so they seek a surrogate or adopt. Some women can’t conceive naturally and seek fertility treatments.
When women choose or have to go down the path of an abortion, they are referred to a clinic or hospital and they are given an option on what method they would prefer to end the pregnancy. Either by being administered medication for a more natural miscarriage or a curette. An appointment is then made for either of these two options are made to occur.
On the day of the appointment for a curette, the patient’s are recommended to not have anything to eat or drink for at least 12 hours prior to the procedure. You are made to wait in a waiting room, when you are called your taken off to an area to go over your personal details and as to why your having the procedure. You are taken then to have a cannula placed in your arm, so you can be administered general anaesthetic and morphine. The procedure takes no more than 30 to 45 mins. How the procedure went, depends on how you feel when you wake up.
I had a curette, when I was 21 years old and again at 26 years old. The first time was due to having severe morning sickness and the foetus I was carrying was dying, it was recommended by my GP to end the pregnancy at 11 weeks. I was referred to a clinic for a curette. Upon arrival, anti-abortion protesters were trying to change my mind, without knowing the reason why I was there. Only in their eyes, I was there to kill my unborn child and doing the ultimate sin of giving up a blessing and gift from god. I wasn’t there because I wanted to be, I was there because I had to be.
The second curette was a few years after I had my eldest. I had low pregnancy hormone levels, one ultrasound detected a sack, but no foetus. Two weeks later, at another ultrasound they saw the foetus, but no heartbeat. My little bean was gone. I was sent to a hospital to have a curette and the procedure went badly, I woke up in pain and was unable to stand upright, I could only walk heel to toe and hunched over in pain. Every movement I made was painful. Four days after the procedure, I was readmitted into hospital, I was vomiting every 5 minutes and could barely move. The cause was a blood clot in my ovary and it was infected, spreading throughout the rest of my body, I was told if I didn’t come in when I did, I would most likely have been dead a few days later. It was suspected that during the curette I was accidentally nicked in the process of removing my little bean from my body. I spent 5 days in hospital, had to take 6 different medications for a month and 6 months for my body to recover from the ordeal. It was traumatic, so when I fell pregnant with my now youngest, I was scared it was going to happen again and spent the first 3 months of my pregnancy anxious. I also found ultrasounds and checking the heartbeat stressful. But my beautiful Meiar arrived, screaming and healthy into the world at 7 pounds 14.
The one thing I found in being pregnant, that most women feel like they can push their views of pregnancy and birth on to you. Putting their own feelings first, without respecting your choice.
I chose to have a Caesarian with both my daughter’s and some women have criticised me for my choice. They don’t have to agree with my choice, but it was my choice to make on how I wanted both of my daughters brought into the world and all I wanted was for them to be delivered safely as possible. I was lucky that both births went smoothly. Just because I chose to have a c-section doesn’t make me less of a parent. I did what was right for me and I ignore those who want to have a negative opinion on it. And no one can dictate to me on how their fathers and I raise them.
Being a parent can be very challenging and also very over whelming at times. It’s also very rewarding in unconditional love, memories and happiness. The hardest days, some times seem the longest and the easiest days, sometimes seem the shortest.
Enjoy every moment you can with your child, as they change in a blink of an eye and before you know it, they are grown up and gone.
Instead of having a negativity opinion on someone else’s life choices, maybe take a step back and think about the reasons behind them. You don’t have to agree with how someone else lives their life, but it is theirs to live, like your is your own. Sometimes what works for others, won’t work for you.
If i could be proud of anything that I have done with my life, it was having my daughters. They have made me a better person and make my life worth living. There is nothing I would not do for them. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect them. Every day I am amazed by them and who they are becoming. Taylah is creative and likes to draw and read, she is sensitive and caring. Meiar is full of attitude and can be demanding in what she wants. But she is a happy and affectionate child, who not only loves life, but likes to push boundaries. I wouldn’t have them be any other way.
Most people don’t realise there are a lot of financial cost to having children, especially special needs children with disabilities and the care they require, such as modifying or suitable housing, wheelcheers, programs, schooling. It’s sad that a lot of these children end up being abandoned, shunned and shamed for being different and that their families give them up due to being unable to give them the care that they require.
Some don’t realise the medical cost during pregnancy for required tests and screening, as well as for the birth and appointments afterwards. Especially if there are medical conditions and health concerns involved. There are a lot of support services out there that can help ease the stress of items needed to help look after a baby, you can also buy essential items for reasonable prices. Especially if you have a specific budget in mind and most items are given as gifts during a baby shower or when the baby arrives.
Also a lot of women don’t have support when they have a child, some women don’t have family to rely on to help, which can contribute to them having postnatal depression. There are mother’s groups and support networks out there and sometimes it’s good to get out of the house and meet people with children, so you don’t feel so alone. Help and support is out there, if you choose to seek it.